A Full Heart

We have left the mattresses from hell behind us and haven't looked back! Last week Tersia and I moved into the home of our friends Simon and Marieke for a month as they visit their family in the Netherlands. We are sleeping on real mattresses, drinking real coffee, and reveling in the space! It is a beautiful home and so peaceful, every morning as I have my coffee and rusks, I sit on my bed looking out over a breathtaking view of mountains and sea. The LORD looks after His children, and He is taking care of our hearts as well as our needs.

This weekend the new CPx students are arriving. I can't believe a year has gone by already! Never would I have guessed at that time what the LORD had in store for me now. My "orientation" with Baby Safe started out with a bang, it seemed I was going to experience everything at once! I was exhausted-mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually-and I've never been happier in my life. So often we are under this bizarre misconception that if we surrender to God's call it will be all struggle and difficulty. But our Father's desire is for us to live out of our hearts, for our glory is His!

On Wednesdays I accompany Bethany to TOP (Termination of Pregnancy) counseling at the hospital, and soon will take on counseling half the women myself. I am getting into a rhythm of administration and meetings, and will be taking on the Baby Safe finances. This past week we visited another children's home run by an Afrikaans couple who wanted to install their own baby safe. After hearing their hearts and seeing their work, Bethany informed them they would not only receive a safe, but a sponsor had donated enough to pay for it. Our own hearts were full to see their joy as they broke down and wept, so much that we wept with them.

My first Baby Safe meeting there was a baby abandoned in Masiphumelele, so Allison picked him up and brought him with us until he could be taken to a foster family. For two hours I held this beautiful baby, feeding him and holding him as he slept, praying in the spirit over his person and future. The following day, his mother returned for him! After reuniting her with her son, we sat and listened to her story and encouraged her in the LORD. What a blessings to see a happy ending come where there is often only heartbreak. Another exciting experience was a Baby Safe first, even for Bethany. A young mother with a month-old baby came to us in order to place him for adoption. A mother has NEVER asked to place a baby post-birth, and no pregnant women have gone through with an adoption after. We were able to take her to the baby house and sit with the social worker as they visited about the circumstances and heart issues. Both of us learned a tremendous amount.

Thank you for your prayers! Please lift up my team members Alli and Bethany as well as myself, the enemy has really been coming against us. These past weeks as we have been fasting and praying, we have all been troubled with nervous sleep, nightmares, even pain. I know it is a direct assault because of the damage we are doing to his kingdom, and he shall not prevail! With this lifestyle there is great struggle, but the rewards far surpass it. I am thankful every day that Jesus called me here, to this work and these people. He is filling my heart and my life. To Him be the glory!

Home

Back in South Africa! Already it feels like home. It‘s funny the things which quickly become “normal”, like a baboon trying to crawl through my window the first morning here, or a band of homeless men living within sight-and earshot-by the side of the road who can be heard conversing quite boisterously at all hours of the day and evening. Home currently consists of a single room about 4 by 5 meters in which fits two beds, a large cupboard, a mini fridge and microwave, and a small table and chairs. Good to be back!

One huge blessing is my roomy. Tersia and I lived all of CPx together last year and she became a sister and dear friend, so when we both made the decision to commit to All Nations it seemed only natural to continue the journey together. We picked up where we left off as though no time had passed- laughing, crying, swearing and praying together, sharing and pouring into each other’s hearts.

I am terribly excited to be here! Already the LORD has been so faithful, in confirming this move and providing for my needs. This week was At Home Week with All Nations, taking the mornings to worship, pray, and catch up on what is taking place in everyone’s lives and ministries. I have been connecting with Bethany and Allison as well-my Baby Safe “boss” and fellow team member- hearing what has transpired and the work about to begin. My heart is so stirred by what is taking place! This is intense battleground and we are at war with the enemy every day, but the fruit is incredible. I cannot wait to see what the LORD has in store. Please keep us in your prayers as we start up this new year.

I hope to have more information soon concerning my work with Baby Safe, and a sister ministry called Vulnerable Children (more on that later). My orientation begins in earnest next week. In the mean time, it would be a blessing if you could lift these items up in prayer. I am about to begin the hunt for a car. Pray for favor in the overall process, in finding the right vehicle, and the funds. Also, Tersia and I do not have a permanent place of residence. We are renting from All Nations until next month when CPx begins, house-sitting for friends through February, and after that we do not know! Please pray for direction and favor in finding a safe, inexpensive, and hopefully permanent place to share. Praying and believing! Matthey 6:25-33

Calling Me Back

It's autumn in the states. The foliage is turning brilliant shades of every color, the weather is crisp and chilly; visits to the pumpkin farm, pumpkin carving, pumpkin lattes-pumpkin Pumpkin PUMPKIN! It's my favorite time of year and I'm enjoying every minute. And yet...
I'm dreaming of a place where summer is right around the corner-my LEAST favorite season. Where many of my friends will spend Christmas braai-ing on the beach in their bathing suits. A place filled with breathtaking beauty and heartbreaking poverty. God is calling me home to South Africa.

When I set off earlier this year I had no clear vision or purpose, I only knew I had been called and so followed. In my six months in Africa learning and serving, God taught me so much about His love and character, and my own heart. This January I am returning for a years commitment to All Nations, to work with their ministry Baby Safe.

From the time I was old enough to comprehend God has place in me the desire to be a mother. Through years working with the Crisis Pregnancy Outreach He has given me a heart for broken women and children. He has "anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted...to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners" (Is 61:1). And now he has opened the door to live this out. Baby Safe was founded to prevent the infanticide through baby dumping taking place in South Africa. They provide counseling, infant care training and donations for new moms, adoption opportunities, and more; including the baby safe-an anonymous and legal drop box where a woman can safely leave her baby instead of "dumping".

I am excited by this opportunity to learn and to serve, exploring and growing in the gifts and desires God has given me. I will be working as an intern under Bethany O'Connor, the young woman who is pioneering the ministry. God has also brought two other beautiful young women to partner with us, Lelanie Steyn and Allison Scarlett, creating the first full time Baby Safe team. Through my time in Africa I am blessed to already call these women my friends. He is so faithful! As we set out to love and serve in the familiar and unfamiliar alike, your prayers and support mean more than I can say. Thank you for walking with me on this journey and partnering in the LORD's work! I cannot wait to see all He has in store.

Le Me Be Honest

The last six months were the most difficult and the most wonderful of my life. But it seems when God calls the two go hand in hand. They neglected to mention in the CPx information that they intend to kill you-go figure. I've been strapped down to that altar mentally, emotionally, spiritually-learning daily to die to myself and allow God to remove anything and everything He sees fit. The process at times feels excruciating. The phrase "a sacrifice of praise" took on a whole new meaning-it isn't giving up a few hours to sing worship songs with passion and joy. It's taking up our cross daily to follow Him wherever He leads, whether that's sharing the gospel with those who have never heard it or loving obnoxious people.

Difficult? Absolutely! But the reward is infinitely worth it. God doesn't leave you empty and bleeding on that altar. With each thing He removed He gave me more of Himself. Through every insecurity dealt with He taught me more of my worth. I have encountered the love of the Father in ways I have never experienced before. I have heard His voice more clearly, I have felt His touch more deeply, I have known His love mere intimately. I have encountered the Lover of my soul, and He is worthy.

Let me be honest. These past six months I achieved nothing. But God did. The more I came to realize my weakness the more I saw His power. I personally did not lead anyone to the Lord, but I saw life restored through His Gospel of truth, light brought to the darkness and bondage of fear and false teaching. I did not heal any sick, but I saw the brokenhearted comforted and given new hope. I saw reconciliation, restoration, and provision with no explanation other than the hand of God. He has used the foolish and broken of this world to shine His light all the clearer. He used this weak and simple vessel to witness the power and glory of His love, so that there is no denying it is Him and Him alone.

I set off to love the lost of this world only to encounter the love of the Father for me. I sought to see others the way He sees them, and He showed me a vision of myself. And it was in the dust at Jesus' feet, a fallen woman who had prostituted myself after the desires of the world, chasing after other "lovers", unworthy and unclean. But He called me beautiful and He called me His. He raised me up and He made me His bride, pure and holy, worthy of love. And THIS is the love He asks me to share. And so I will follow.

When you have felt the finger of God who would choose anything else? It is hard to go; we fear that in giving up our dreams and plans the sacrifice will be too much and the plans HE has too difficult. But it's true, His plans for you and the desires HE gives-and fulfills!-are so much greater. I let go of all the things I thought I wanted and He gave me so much more. An adventure of breathtaking beauty, freedom, joy, and fulfillment. Your lover is calling you, will you follow?

Leaving Zimbabwe

"Seems that I'll never get through 'preparing' for the mission field. But I've been comforted this week thinking of our Lord's thirty silent years of readying Himself at home with His family and bending over a carpenter's bench. Were those days any less of a fragrance to God that His later work before the eyes of the people? I think not. A well-made piece of furniture and a healed blind man represent the same thing to the Father-a job well done; mission accomplished. So with us here. Nothing great, but what is that to Him with whom there is no great or small?" -Jim Elliot

I read this passage only this morning; it seemed so fitting as today is our last day in Zimbabwe. Looking back, it is incredible to see the work God has done, both in us personally and in the community here. Some things great, some seemingly insignificant, yet all belong to God and it is He who will see the work through. What an honor to be His vessels and witnesses here for this short season.

This week has passed in a flurry of goodbyes, packing, and preparations. The time has been exciting, crazy, and bittersweet as we say farewell to all of our new brothers and sisters here. I think one of the pinnacles of our experience was last Saturday when we held baptisms for all those who had committed their lives to Christ. We drove four car loads of our friends out to a river area, where we took turns baptizing and praying over them. It was an incredibly sweet experience for me, being my first time to baptize anyone and seeing the work of God in these people's lives.

Thank you all for your prayers and support these past months, you have played a tremendous role in our work here. God has been incredibly faithful and I know much is due to you. Please continue to pray for us as we prepare for the long drive back; three days through Botswana and South Africa. Also for our last weeks in CPx before returning home, that God will give us peace and clear direction as we look toward the future. He has given us many dreams and visions which I am excited to share with you in the next couple weeks! Our God is faithful.

Relationships

These past two months in Zimbabwe God has brought about relationships
with a variety of people of diverse characters and circumstances. But
each has climbed into and claimed a special place in my heart, and I
want to ask you to join me in lifting up their hearts and futures in
prayer. Let me introduce you to a few of them.

The first is Victor, an eleven-year-old boy who sought me out when I
visited his school to play net ball. Victor is a special little boy;
there is a light in his eyes and a warmth in his heart that is absent
in too many of the children here, as well as a sharp mind and strong
hope for the future. He walks an hour every day from a neighboring
village to attend school here, and one weekend he ran the entire way
to take me back to his home to meet his family. They live in a tin
shack-well furnished inside-on an immaculately kept plot of land with
gardens both practical and pleasing. Victor's father Mike works
hard in order to pay for and begin building his family a house, brick
by brick. Victor visits me after school whenever he can; we talk
about Jesus and family, always praying together. I believe God has
good things in store for his future.

Another relationship which has been a blessing to me and Tersia is with
a woman named Blessed. She was misdiagnosed for a disease and given
treatment which made it worse, and is now crippled in both her legs
and hands. We began visiting her twice a week in order to help her
with her physical therapy and give encouragement. In just one week
she showed improvement which is increasing! And she has become an
encouragement to us as well, her faith and the peace of Christ shining
out of her eyes.

But perhaps the most encouraging relationships have been the most
challenging. Twice a week I meet with a family of sisters-Florence,
Prisca, Mama Jones, and Ceaser-their niece Tambusai, and occasionally
their friends. Each of these women gave their lives to Christ for the
first time after our first couple weeks here, and they are hungry for
Him and His word. They are all at the house almost every time we
meet, asking challenging questions and giving good insight. Their
faith and faithfulness is wonderful to behold, even in their difficult
circumstances, seeing the ways God is coming through for them in
providing for and speaking to them.

Their love and hospitality is so sweet. They have almost nothing yet
delight to serve us. A while back Tersia and Christine brought them a
supply of food when discovering their need. The following meetings
they fed US from what we had given them, tasty bean dishes and boiled
pumpkin they had prepared. I delight in their company, sitting and
visiting, laughing, reading the Bible and praying. It is a challenge
too, as their stories and lives are full of heartbreak and
difficulty-poverty, abuse, AIDS, cults. Yet still they cling to hope.
Please pray for them, that 'He who began a good work in (them) will
perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus'. (Phil. 1:6) Amen

Journal Entry

Friday, May 29, 2009

It is so incredible to me to see the shift in my life and focus. Incredible and wonderful. The entire center of passion and existence for myself and the team is the Gospel. We were all sitting together over dinner in the dark-again-and all we spoke of was the 'God story' and the meaning of the Gospel. We were sharing perspectives, asking questions, looking up scriptures and getting excited. We spoke of the consequences of sin being death, the significance of Christ having to die and the meaning of the resurrection, how best to explain sacrifice, and we read the Bible together with real enthusiasm.

This morning I practiced sharing the 'God story' with the team, for the first time with excitement and not nervousness, and received real encouragement from their response. Half of our conversations are concerning ministry, teaching and sharing the Gospel, confronting religion and false doctrine, and how to make the word understandable and applicable with language barriers. And this is what we WANT to talk about! Not because we have to or that it's our "job", but because this is becoming the very core and center of who we are.

It blew my mind when I realized this tonight. The shift has taken place so gradually, we've moved into it without thinking. Not that it didn't come without challenge or that I wasn't without passion for God's word before. But I feel for the first time I can say He is truly first and foremost in my life and all else stems from this. The realization hit me tonight for the first time and filled me with such joy.

This evening was my first time leading a meeting on my own as Tersia couldn't make it. It was awesome. Two days before we had asked that they read John 1, which was probably a mistake because they only have the original King James Bible. But I sat and we read the first fourteen verses together out of my Bible, which I explained and paraphrased before having them repeat what it means and says about Jesus to them. It was powerful seeing the light go on in their eyes, hearing them translate to each other, and hearing their opinions.

I've had dreams at times of preaching the Gospel, or living out my life with the poor. I dreamed again last night of being home, but I was passionately sharing the 'God story' and living out the Gospel, while preparing to go out again to "the nations". For the first time I woke to the knowledge that my dreams are a reflection of my waking life! Incredible. May it continue to be so.

God is amazing! He is teaching me and growing me so much. But even as He refines me and sloughs off the dead and rough edges, bringing challenges and conviction, He daily teaches me my worth. Every day I see His love and faithfulness to me as I learn to more clearly hear His voice and follow the leading of His Spirit.