Le Me Be Honest

The last six months were the most difficult and the most wonderful of my life. But it seems when God calls the two go hand in hand. They neglected to mention in the CPx information that they intend to kill you-go figure. I've been strapped down to that altar mentally, emotionally, spiritually-learning daily to die to myself and allow God to remove anything and everything He sees fit. The process at times feels excruciating. The phrase "a sacrifice of praise" took on a whole new meaning-it isn't giving up a few hours to sing worship songs with passion and joy. It's taking up our cross daily to follow Him wherever He leads, whether that's sharing the gospel with those who have never heard it or loving obnoxious people.

Difficult? Absolutely! But the reward is infinitely worth it. God doesn't leave you empty and bleeding on that altar. With each thing He removed He gave me more of Himself. Through every insecurity dealt with He taught me more of my worth. I have encountered the love of the Father in ways I have never experienced before. I have heard His voice more clearly, I have felt His touch more deeply, I have known His love mere intimately. I have encountered the Lover of my soul, and He is worthy.

Let me be honest. These past six months I achieved nothing. But God did. The more I came to realize my weakness the more I saw His power. I personally did not lead anyone to the Lord, but I saw life restored through His Gospel of truth, light brought to the darkness and bondage of fear and false teaching. I did not heal any sick, but I saw the brokenhearted comforted and given new hope. I saw reconciliation, restoration, and provision with no explanation other than the hand of God. He has used the foolish and broken of this world to shine His light all the clearer. He used this weak and simple vessel to witness the power and glory of His love, so that there is no denying it is Him and Him alone.

I set off to love the lost of this world only to encounter the love of the Father for me. I sought to see others the way He sees them, and He showed me a vision of myself. And it was in the dust at Jesus' feet, a fallen woman who had prostituted myself after the desires of the world, chasing after other "lovers", unworthy and unclean. But He called me beautiful and He called me His. He raised me up and He made me His bride, pure and holy, worthy of love. And THIS is the love He asks me to share. And so I will follow.

When you have felt the finger of God who would choose anything else? It is hard to go; we fear that in giving up our dreams and plans the sacrifice will be too much and the plans HE has too difficult. But it's true, His plans for you and the desires HE gives-and fulfills!-are so much greater. I let go of all the things I thought I wanted and He gave me so much more. An adventure of breathtaking beauty, freedom, joy, and fulfillment. Your lover is calling you, will you follow?